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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Can You Spot the real Fitness Expert? (Hint: It's not me.)


Several months ago I was contacted by a popular men's health magazine by a journalist writing an article about how to pick a good personal trainer. Having known and worked (both out and with) many of them, I was happy to share my top tips. Imagine my surprise when the magazine came out and I was identified as a "fitness expert." I almost shat myself. While I could be considered an expert in some fields - toddler toy mediation comes to mind - in fitness I am about as non-expert as they come. Dr. J, an experienced and credentialed surgeon and bona fide health expert, reminded me of this tendency of both the media and shameless (or shady) self-promoters to crown dubious health and fitness "experts" in his recent post on the subject.

Gym Buddy Leila found this out the hard way. Awhile ago as I was recovering from a tough weight session (read: gabbing about Kate Gosselin and if she would really take Jon back like we were 14 years old and she was the homecoming queen) we spotted Leila jogging sluggishly by, as if she were in slow motion.

"Leila!" we called out, "Whatcha doing girl? Get over here!"

"Can't," she shook her head sadly, "I'm burning fat."

"She obviously means with a lighter and a grill somewhere," muttered the peanut gallery.

"Seriously, my trainer told me that my fat burning zone is under 120. I gotta keep going for two hours if I want to lose this baby weight."

"120! Are you kidding me?"

"Well, look at him!" All eyes turned to Dirk, a string bean of a man with Popeye biceps and an overly hopeful "muscle" shirt. "He's the expert on losing weight!" And she was gone.

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Experts
Several weeks later I caught up with Leila. "How's it going with Dirk?" She burst into tears, "I've gained 12 pounds. I just don't get it! I mean, he's so thin! Why isn't it working for me?"

If you hang around any nutrition or fitness circles (or even your local Barnes & Noble) for long, you will soon discover that Televangelists got nothing on the diet/weight/muscle "expert" du jour. These people stalk you with aggressive websites - with LOTS and LOTS of bold CAPS and unnecessary white space. They smother you with e-books and print books and booklets, all with tantalizing ultimate-secret-of-everything-"they"-don't-want-you-to-know titles. They titillate you with ads on every site you read, populated with the evil spawn of Photoshop and CGI. They even find you in your safe place, blanketing your gym with fliers and business cards.

And everyone's an expert.

Why do we even listen to these people? And how do you tell the good ones from the bad ones?

In My Expert Opinion
If, for a moment, you will let me be the expert on experts, I will answer those questions for you. You see, I am a Recovering Expert. There are no 12-steps for this but there should be. (Think of it, mandatory humility counseling! The UN would never be the same.) A few years ago, when I finally decided to get serious about my health & fitness, I read everything I could get my hands on on the subject. I subscribed to all the magazines, the news feeds, the hyped and hyper e-mail lists. I read the books, the e-books, the booklets & wannabe books. And then, one fine day, I figured it all out.

I won't bore you with the details. You've heard them all before. But it was The Magic Formula. I would never worry about my weight again. I would be forever toned with smooth skin and lustrous hair. And I felt like I had to tell everyone I knew about it so they too could be toned and lustrous and smooth. My sister said, after one glorious (and free, even!) unsolicited tutorial, "It's like you found religion. Except more annoying."

It was a nice dream. Too bad it didn't last. One day it just stopped working and I was forced to realize that I didn't know it all. My Magic Formula was a great start but that my body, being smart and very adaptable, was on to my gig. It was time to tweak my formula.

So why do we listen to, seek out, and especially pay for expert guidance? A little bit of ignorance (most of us aren't personally-trained Personal Trainers). A lot of desperation. After all, if everything you've tried isn't working, then surely someone else must know something. I was desperate. I'd had great success - up to a point. I wanted more! I joined chat rooms & bulletin boards about weight lifting & nutrition. I took classes. But the more I studied, the more confused I became.
-Cut calories! But not too many or your metabolism will nosedive!!
-Carbs are evil! Whole grains are the staff of life! For a while I was actually trying to be a non-carb eating vegetarian. Do you know what that left me (besides cranky)? Veggies and... nuts. That's it. Congratulations, I'm a squirrel.
- Weight lifting is the key to a high metabolism! No, wait, cardio is the secret to fat loss!
It all made my head spin. You know the feeling.

I learned very quickly that once somebody finds something that works for them, they automatically assume it will work for everyone else too (like stick-bug Dirk and post-partum Leila). The only thing you can trust about an expert is that they passionately believe that they have the answers. So I did what any scientist would do: I started experimenting. And that's how I've spent the past several years.

Don't get me wrong, experts have their place. The good ones anyhow - there are some very smart and talented people out there. But you sure have to sift through a lot of toddler poop to find that shiny penny. Here are a few of my (non-expert) tips:

1. Look for someone who agrees with basic common sense. It is true that taking out processed crap foods and getting a little exercise will help everyone. So if the expert tells you you can eat cookies all day long and get your exercise via surrogate by watching The Biggest Loser, then you can bet they are selling you something. (Jillian's new diet pills, anyone?)

2. Look for someone who isn't just in it for the money. Sure people gotta make a buck; I'm not going to begrudge them their hard-earned money. But if they want your credit card number before showing you anything of substance then run fast and far (hey, that's good exercise too!). I'm especially wary of the ones hawking "product": special machines, shakes, pills, supplements, gadgets, teas and other proprietary-buy-it-now-before-I-run-out-forever stuff.

3. Look for someone who will personalize it to you. While every body will respond to basic nutrition and fitness, after that the tweaks are individual. If they say they can make you look just like them be very wary. Find someone who says they can make you look like you - just better.

4. Look for someone who ISN'T touting a "secret" or the "ultimate solution" or "the last diet you'll ever need." There just isn't any magic formula. Your body is always changing and adapting and so you're going to have to too.

Well, that's my (ahem) expert opinion. What say all of you? Did I miss anything? Anyone else have a run in with an Expert you'd like to add to the hall of shame?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Why I Don't Food Blog

Behold the meat baby. No I didn't come up with it but thanks anyhow.

Amy recently e-mailed me, "Why don't you ever blog about what you eat? I'd love to see pix!"

Dear Amy,
That may be the shortest reader question I have ever gotten. In honor of the occasion this will be the shortest answer I have ever written. First I would like to say that I have no problems with other people food blogging. There are lots of witty (Smoothie Girl Eats Too), pretty (Java Chick) and inspiring (Heather Eats Almond Butter) foodies out there. (In fact, I even compiled a list of all my readers' fave food sites!) I, however, am not one of them and here's why:

1. I suck at cooking.
2. I eat yucky food.
3. My presentation is awful.
4. As are my photography skills.

For example, lunch today was a pile of week-old salad (brown tinged, wilted and everything!) topped with cold steamed cauliflower and broccoli left over from dinner last night with a microwaved turkey burger on top, covered in salsa and plain yogurt. It looked, very literally, like vomit. Oh and I should mention that I put it on the neon plastic IKEA plate my toddler had just eaten his quesadilla off of. I used his fork too. And I liked it.

My point is: I'm gross. Remember when I baked a turd? Nobody needs to see that.

Although probably nobody needs to see This is Why You're Fat - a cross between food porn and 4th-grade boy gross out humor - either. But it sure is fun! So, what did you all have for lunch? And by all means post links if you've got pictures!

Speaking of pictures, here's a what-NOT-to-eat-for-lunch tip courtesy of the '70's and Passionate Fitness.

Paparazzo Calves collection 2





Monday, September 28, 2009

Finding the Ka-Ching!($$$) In Your Cardio Ka-Lunkers.

Motus USA On Their Innovative Financing Solutions. NFTJ Interview with Motus USA 2009.

Fitness centers are constantly working to maintain that delicate balance between member retention and boosting their bottom line. With people approaching gym memberships more selectively and with higher expectations, gyms today are working hard to ensure that they keep their existing members happy as well as continuing to grow new membership sales. Motus USA is launching their “Cash for Cardio Clunkers™” program to help encourage and assist in new equipment purchases. In this industry, we can appreciate those equipment manufacturers like Motus, who will rise to the occasion and bring to the table innovative solutions to meet today’s challenging reality.



NFTJ: “Cash for Cardio Clunkers™” that’s got a very nice ring to it! In light of today’s economy and the hesitancy of many facilities to spend big money – this seems to offer people an affordable way to trade in and trade up?

MOTUS USA: YES! That is exactly the solution that we are striving to bring to the table.Cash for Clunkers” was such a huge success in automobile world -- affording people a way to positively impact the environment (getting gas guzzlers off the road) as well as giving them a cost break to purchase a newer, and more gas efficient vehicle. Our spin-off campaign “Cash for Cardio Clunkers™” was established to basically offer the same advantages – just in a cardio equipment setting.



NFTJ:
How does this program differentiate itself from the typical

trade in deals that many other manufacturers offer as well?

MOTUS: “Cash for Cardio Clunkers™” was made possible by our strong industry relationships that are working tightly with us to ensure we can assess the highest trade in value on equipment and pass forward that savings to our customers. We really go to bat for our clients – working with our in-house financing department allowing all parties to win in the end – members get excited by the new equipment changes, we secure a new client relationship and the client is en-route to brand new equipment.

NFTJ: Today, many clubs are looking high and low for sources of financing for equipment upgrades. What is your view on the matter and how do you as an equipment manufacturer, approach that issue to get your clients financed?

MOTUS: After conversing with several new and existing clients, we were able to tap into some of the looming concerns and issues they have today, and re-thought how we can better address and innovatively attack the concerns. Club owners are finding that equipment manufacturers are no longer able to offer the bulk discounts and financing that they could a year ago. The banks have tightened up their lines of credit and it is harder for clubs to get approved for financing. In light of this situation, we were able to come up with some creative equipment solutions uniquely tailored and planned out to assist those clubs in securing the financial backing they needed.



BURBANK ATHLETIC CLUBS



"Motus USA really went above and beyond to ensure I got the financing I needed to install brand new Motus USA integrated cardio into my two new Burbank Athletic Club locations -- formerly World Gym facilities. The members love the equipment, and I am impressed that percentage of closed deals on walk-in sales have increased since trading in the old cardio for the new Motus USA equipment." - Greg Bedrossian, CEO & Owner



NFTJ: Do you feel that there are people who see Motus equipment with their “integrated LCD TV screens” and automatically rule it out as expensive and not an option when it comes to tight budgets?

MOTUS: That is a possibility. Motus equipment, however, is highly competitive in pricing – quite frankly we offer the best value for money. We’ve had clients tell us how pleasantly surprised they were at the affordable pricing despite the “expensive look and feel” of the units. We simply offer great products at very affordable price points and it is unfortunate that many would make an assumption and miss out on both (1) A great product that delivers on value and (2) A superior level of customer service that we pride ourselves on.

NFTJ: What would be your top 4 reasons as to why a gym should consider this “Cash for Cardio Clunkers™” Program you are offering?

MOTUS: Here are 4 compelling reasons WHY a club should take advantage of “Cash for Cardio Clunkers.™” #1 Old cardio equipment gives members a reason to move gyms – or at least to shop around! #2 Newer cardio equipment consumes energy more efficiently. #3 Newer equipment attracts new members and expresses value and appreciation to your existing members. #4 New equipment equals lowered maintenance costs. (and did I mention, this program won’t last forever, we are encouraging our existing clients to TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIGH TRADE IN VALUES NOW.)

NFTJ: What would you advise those gym owners who are not ready to make a purchase on brand new equipment, but are looking for cost effective ways to re-energize their member excitement and cardio regimes?

MOTUS: Leasing like-new equipment and trading up down the road to the brand new equipment can work nicely as a creative way to generate a buzz and excitement with members and new prospects about the new equipment in the club.

NFTJ: In light of today’s economy, what would you say to those fitness facilities, many of whom are having a difficult time justifying spending money on equipment upgrades.

MOTUS: While the state of the economy continues to press in on us, we need to resist the urge to just “survive.” Let’s keep in mind that beyond the daily regimen of operations – we have a bigger issue to attack and open our doors to – we need to continue to broadcast the importance of maintaining healthy & fit lifestyles, offering our services and expertise to see people engaged, excited and motivated! Very often – a novel offer, class or advertising that new piece of equipment can be that extra added draw to set apart one club from another. We know getting financing is not the easiest thing to secure these days, and we at Motus USA do what is necessary to positively affect the health club industry, supporting them to excel and do what they do best – attract and retain members! Economic cycles will come and go but the value of impacting individuals for the good remains a constant. By actively addressing the critical issues that press in on club owners, we are able to come up with creative working solutions to overcome those barriers.

For more information on how you can take advantage of Cash for Cardio Clunkers please contact them at 866.668.8766 or email sale@motususa.com. For more information please visit their website at www.motususa.com.



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Funny Video - How NOT to workout

What To Watch on the Treadmill



If you get this via e-mail or RSS, click through to see The Evolution of Dance. If you've not seen it yet, funniest 6 minutes of your day, I guarantee it!

On our honeymoon, my husband discovered something shocking about me - something he never saw coming. (And that folks, is officially the worst opening line to a post I've ever written!) No it was not a vestigial tail or third nipple. Rather, this is how we started our first day of wedded bliss together:

Him: You ready to go?
Me, eyes glued to the TV screen: Just a sec.
Him: Wait, what are you watching? Is that... MTV?!
Me: Yeah, it's The Real World reunion.
Him: The what?
Me: Shhhh!
Him: Don't you want to go to the beach?
Me: Just give me 37 minutes.
Him: You've got to be kidding me.

Being poor - and very busy - college students we never watched TV which is why he never knew that the girl he committed to spend the rest of eternity with was harboring a secret penchant for crap TV.

Most people assume when the husband and I tell them that we don't watch TV or movies (it'll be 3 years come January!) that it's due to some well thought out moral stance. Um, no. The real reason is a) we're both too ADHD to sit still for an entire show, much less a movie and b) crap television sucks me in like a vortex. (It probably stems from the same personality flaw that makes it impossible for me to walk by a People magazine without at least looking at the cover.) There are 2 exceptions to the no-TV rule: BBC documentaries and anything involving dancing.

It was the latter weakness that got me today at the gym (Yes, I went. All I did was walk. No, there was no more bleeding. But I suppose that tells you how well I'm doing with the no exercise prescription. More on that ball of anxiety and tears in another post.) I was drawn like a Kardashian to a camera crew to our brand new treadmills. They have built-in TVs. There's even a headphone jack so I don't have to share my terrible taste with the rest of the Gym Buddies. And sure enough, they get MTV!

Did you know they have a show called America's Best Dance Crew? It has Randy Jackson! And Mario Lopez! (Albeit with his shirt on, ladies.) And crazy hip hop dance crews that make Step It Up look gangsta! I mean seriously, check out who won:

They have SEQUINED PANTIES with ARM WARMERS and BOOTIES and a MICHAEL JACKSON GLOVE! And check out the dance that goes with those costumes! How can you not LOVE THAT?

And then after that, MTV's True Life came on. I won't say it is particularly true to life but is sure fascinating! They had two pregnant girls! Both trying to decide if they should give their baby up for adoption! And then a girl who is a raving sports fanatic! Wheee! Next Gym Buddy Megan showed up and told me about her fave MTV show (see Mom, I'm not the only adult who still watches it!), Made, which got me so excited I got tingly.

Next thing I knew, I'd walked for an hour and forty-five minutes.

And this is why I don't watch TV.

Any of you have a weakness for terrible television? What do you like to watch when you're on the treadmill?

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Awesome


..on so many levels. Posted on Facebook by an old high school friend. Just watch (and listen - headphones make it more intimate):


Sports: Do You Play to Win?

Well that's a bummer.

The leaves changing color, the nip in the air, the never ending back-to-school nights with their ten-page supply lists are all signs of the season change, sure, but nothing announces the advent of fall in suburbia like the pitter-patter of little soccer cleats across a field. (That would be football for everyone outside the States. It was probably unnecessary to clarify that but I have one surprisingly dedicated reader in Singapore and I'll be rather disappointed if I ever lose them.)

Raise your hand if you played soccer as a kid. I imagine that includes everyone. Tying on your shin guards and wrestling those tube socks up over your knees is a right of passage for children everywhere. But so is something else: getting your butt kicked. In fact, if you were me, that was pretty much all soccer entailed. (And softball and basketball and volleyball and football. True story: I was the only girl on my high school Powder Puff team to get not a single second of playing time in a game.)

These days things have changed. With the advent of non-competitive leagues and a general aura of Everyone's a Winner, kids spend a lot less time losing than I did. Many have griped about this, saying that we are coddling our kids and it makes them weaker, unable to handle real world defeat when it smacks them across the face in adulthood. But I, for one, actually find it refreshing. My childhood spent sucking at every conceivable group sport left me with a lifelong hatred of group sports that I have only been able to overcome in my late twenties. I'll admit it: I still get jittery playing something as simple as a pick-up game of frisbee.

The difference in these viewpoints is how you see the purpose of sports. Despite having a very competitive nature, the main purpose of sports for me is to exercise and to have fun. For many other people, however, it is to win. This has played out in an interesting fashion in my kids.

This fall the husband and I decided to enroll our two eldest boys in the city soccer league, non-competitive division. I figured they'd get some fresh air and learn about teamwork. If things went really well they might even learn the rules of the game - a feat I never accomplished in all my time on the field. This is exactly what my five-year-old got. His team has no goalie and players routinely put themselves on the sidelines when they'd rather play with their dinosaurs than the other kids. Snack time is the highlight. They have lost every single game.

Compare that to my seven-year-old's team. Their coach and half their players are from the competitive league and apparently use the non-competitive league as a warm up for their season. They have assigned positions, complicated plays and drills that involve an amazing amount of coordination. Not only have they won every single game but my son came home this last time shouting, "We beat 'em 16 to 1! And that was only because Coach told us to let them get one in at the end!" Cue the sad violins for the opposing team.

As you would expect, this caused many tears from the five-year-old and hours of bragging from the seven-year-old (not that it takes much to induce either crying or bragging in our house these days). You'd think that this would be evidence to run the team in the latter manner. And yet, despite my older son's joy at winning - and I say this with great love - he's by far the worst player on his team. This has led his coach to say, within his hearing, "Only kick the ball to Andersen if he's the only person around and then stay right on it." You should have seen his big puppy eyes fill with tears when he asked me why no one would pass him the ball. He also only gets assigned to play one defensive position in the very back, where he never sees the ball much less touches it. The other parents whisper things like "state college" and "band scholarship" behind their hands and won't look me in the eyes.

Of course it all makes me very upset. Come on, that's what I do. The husband is more zen about the whole thing saying about both sons, "Eh, they're having fun. They're learning stuff." The tears that I see as heart-breaking he sees as character-building. It's not just our family that's divided on the group sports issue. When I posted on Facebook about how I'm not cut out to be a soccer mom (I believe I actually used the phrase "soccer sucks" 'cause I'm mature like that), I got an amazing array of responses - everything from total agreement to total disdain leading me to conclude that soccer, not Al Franken, is the great polarizing force in our generation.

So now I have to know your opinion! When you play sports, do you play to win? What is your philosophy about kids and sports? In the picture above, which guy is getting the worse end of the deal? Seriously, I've been looking at it for like 10 minutes and I still can't decide.

PS> Thank you so much to everyone who left me a comment on my Compulsive Pregnant Exerciser post - your kind comments, prayers and support got me through this weekend! I can't tell you all how much it means to me!!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Are You Worried About Your Treadmills? Consider Motus Treads.

Don't be a statistic. Don't let this happen in your club.

fitness Pictures, Images and Photos

Motus USA manufactures treadmills of the HIGHEST caliber, incorporating components by Mitsubishi motors, Samsung LCD TV screens, and Hyundai electronics and ensuring smooth, precision performance at values that out-perform the rest.


Does your conditioning cost you?


In addition to superior fitness levels, and lightening-fast speed, boxing success requires tremendous power output. Power - the force or energy used to do work - in and of itself, will lend a degree of robustness to any of the main boxing punches and, in turn, increase the chances of landing the fight game's holy grail: the knockout punch.

The generating of maximal power through any punch, will certainly tell ones opponent they mean business, and this will have a profound psychological effect in terms of fazing "the enemy". Indeed, developing power will also help to enhance speed and anaerobic fitness.

Speed will improve as muscles become used to pushing out heavier weights (the cornerstone of any power routine), which translates to a faster punch when the comparatively infinitesimally light, 10-14 ounce gloves are laced on.

Anaerobic fitness, the fitness system which uses carbohydrates to generate short-term, high intensity work, will improve as muscles become adept at sustaining an all-out effort, due to greater lactic-acid-handling abilities (lactic-acid is a by-product of anaerobic metabolism and will prematurely curtail a sustained effort if it cannot be processed efficiently).

If the muscles, which are, after all, conduits for all movement in the boxing ring, cannot function optimally, meaning they cannot generate speed and power, and last the distance, boxing success will be severely impeded. Power, therefore, is a key ingredient in any boxing program. To develop optimal, specific, power for boxing purposes, one needs to pick the right exercises and execute them correctly.

In theory, any weight movement, performed correctly and with enough resistance, will enhance the power translatable to boxing. However, greater success will come from using movements which lend themselves to the generating of force (pushing type movements for example), and which replicate actual boxing techniques or motions the arms will make during the extension phase of the punch.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Confessions of a Pregnant Compulsive Exerciser

Yeah, this poster has a typo. Several actually. Kids these days.

I have the feeling that eventually this will be one of those Turning Points in my life that I'll talk about later with great insight. But living it thus far has felt anything but profound. Unless you mean profoundly depressing.

Backstory: Wednesday morning I did Turbokick, per my usual. Halfway through the class, the little girls' room called and I headed out. There was blood, people. A lot of blood. Which is never a good thing when you are pregnant, much less eight months pregnant. Trying not to panic, I raced back into the studio, grabbed my stuff and headed for the nearest stairwell to call my doctor. (The stairwell because the Y has a no-cell-phone policy and I was not having this conversation in the lobby.)

I was on the phone with the nurse and the receptionist for about 5 minutes and on hold for 15 minutes listening to their delightful conver-adver-tisements. (What ever happened to muzak? At least then I can get my James Taylor fix without the embarrassment of having him show up on my iPod. Come on, everyone needs to go "to Carolina in their mind" sometimes!) At first they said they couldn't see me that day. Um, whaaa? Did I sound too calm or something? But then I told them I was coming in anyhow. Right now. And camping out until somebody saw me. Which is exactly what I did, right after grabbing my kids and bribing them with an entirely scandalous amount of sugar to walk fast and stop asking questions.

Condensed for the squeamish: The baby is fine. I am fine. The doctor concluded that the blood was from either an infection of some sort or "trauma" brought on by my, um, exercise routine. Unfortunately, there was too much blood (!) to test for an infection without sending it out for a culture. So to be safe my doctor decided to treat it as both. I'm on a one-week course of antibiotics. I'm also forbidden to exercise - at all - until the baby is born. When I started quizzing my doctor on what exactly that entailed ("Can I lift weights?" "No." "Yoga?" "No." "Walking??" "Not if it involves a track or a treadmill.") I received a very stern lecture. While she was treating the possible infection she said given my history - she was the one who diagnosed my suppressed thyroid from compulsively over exercising, after all - and what I'd been doing that morning and the fact that I had no pain, she rather thought the bleeding was brought on by... too much strenuous exercise.

I know. I did it again. I can't believe it either.

My first reaction was total denial. (Okay, my firstfirst reaction was a lot of mental cursing and not of "the little green apples" variety.) I indignantly told her that it's not like my body isn't used to this level of exercise and I exercised through my last pregnancy with no problems and I was trying to keep the intensity low and and and... And then I realized: blood is blood. First it was pneumonia and now this. I think my body might be trying to tell me something. Yes, other women run marathons up until their due date. But they are not me. And for whatever reason, my body needs me to slow down.

My next reaction was to get really depressed alternating with self-flagellation. How selfish/silly/insane am I to possibly jeopardize my baby (who is fine by all accounts - they checked) just because I'm too stubborn to listen to my own body? How many times do I have to butt my head against this wall? Where are my priorities??

Today I'm trying to be practical. What this means is that with 6 remaining weeks of pregnancy + a couple of weeks recovery, I have at least a good two months off of exercise. Yes I'm going to miss the first Turbo Jam that my YMCA finally gets to host. Yes I'm going to miss the new releases in my favorite classes. Yes I'm going to gain fat and lose muscle and yes that totally freaks me out. And yes I'm really really going to miss all my friends at the gym.

What I realized today is that I don't know who I am anymore without exercise to define me. And maybe it's about time I figure that out. For my daughter's sake.

PS> Prayers are always appreciated, if you are the praying sort:)

Paparazzo Calves collection 1







New collection, similar to street calves. Hope you like it. 


Just a little bit of Calves Anatomy :-)






.. we must look at all sides!


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Body Fat is Not Like the Limbo


Personal Trainer to Gym Buddy Allison and I: You wouldn't believe it, this morning this guy had his wife in here to get her body fat measured. But get this - he said he was training her and wasn't going to let up until she reached... five percent body fat!

Allison and I: *B horror movie gasp* Was he kidding?

PT: No, he was very serious.

Me: What's she at now? (Thinking perhaps she was a competitive body builder and he was the Ike to her Tina.)

PT: 35% Plus, she's 38 years old. He's got her working out 3-4 hours a day.

Me: What's he at?

PT: Dunno, he didn't want to be tested.

Me: Of course he didn't.

Allison: Does he work out?

PT: If you can call it that. He takes two hours to do two exercises. One chest press, rest 11 minutes. Two chest press, rest 11 minutes... you get the idea.

All of which begs some interesting questions:
1. Does he want to stay married?
2. Is he trying to kill her?
3. Has he ever seen a woman at 5% body fat?


Elvira says she's at 7% here. I'm just saying.

And 4: Most importantly, is that any way to motivate a person? I'm not saying that 35% is particularly healthy (normal for women is 20-30%) but 5% is beyond ridiculous. Even in competitive male bodybuilders 5% body fat is rare. And bodybuilders only stay in the low single digits for a competition. In their off-season they are significantly higher.

How Low Can You Go?
Despite our society's well-documented obsession with thinness, body fat is not like doing the Limbo. In fact, my gym's body fat chart actually says less than 16% is "excellent". So 0% would be ultra-excellent, right? As long as your definition of excellent is dead.

Body fat is necessary for survival. Our internal organs are cushioned with fat. Our nerves are coated with a myelin sheath made out of fat. Men need a minimum of 3% body fat for survival while women need a minimum of 10%. Anything lower than that and your body starts to break down, even to the extent of cannibalizing your heart muscle.

In women, amenorrhea (the cessation of menstruation) occurs somewhere between 7 and 14% although a woman with very good nutrition can go somewhat lower and still keep her periods. From my personal (ahem) experience, I lose mine around 12-13%. Amenorrhea leads to calcium loss and osteoporosis, not to mention fertility problems.

In addition, there are several other inconvenient side effects:

- You have no boobs. Boobs (men take note) are made up of fat. There is always silicone but without some subcutaneous fat they will just look like grapefruit halves wedged under your skin.

- You are cold all the time. Fat keeps you warm. That's what it's there for. You and me baby, we ain't nothing but mammals!

- You have skeletal pain due to the loss of padding between your bones and hard surfaces. I have never experienced this but according to a bodybuilder friend of mine, when he was at his lowest (4%) it was actually physically painful to walk barefoot. His words, "Those huge muscle-bound guys you see up there? Weak as kittens. After a competition half of them are going to walk off the stage and faint. You could beat up the other half."

- You lose the hair on your head and gain hair (called lanugo) all over your body as it tries to keep itself warm.

Now Here's a Funny Gym Story
Gym Buddy Allison and I come across this joker, "accidentally" whack him in the knee with an olympic weight bar, and then while he's distracted whisk his wife away to the nearest battered women's shelter. And then - this is the funny part - make him work out 3-4 hours a day until he can't walk.

I'm all for helping someone get healthy (as long as they are asking for your help, that is) but this guy's technique was certainly lacking. What do you do to help your spouse/child/friend/pet make healthy choices?
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